Values: The Remedy

This essay is the first part in a series where I explore what different values bring to my life. Today's value is Curiosity as a Remedy for Dissatisfaction.

Curiosity is one of my core values. But I wondered what it really means to me, and how can I explain it to someone. Is my curiosity for new cultures, for other people a mask for my own dissatisfaction? I thought deeply about the two, how they are both products of human behavior, and how they both reflect very different approaches to life.

[I Can’t Get No Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones starts playing in the background]

Dissatisfaction stems from a lack of satisfaction and pleasure - it is a reaction elicited from a mismatch between an expectation and an unresponsive environment. When one is dissatisfied with their current status, the usual response is to find another environment to better realize one’s expectations. The new condition is chosen by design for suitability to fufill an egotistic desire. Here is an example: An American is dissatisfied with their country’s moral codes, and feels as though the environment is unresponsive to their desire for unique entertainment, social cohesion, and mystery.

Thus, they find Japan, often cited as the counter-mirror of America in numerous cultural dimensions. Seeing the vastly and radically different environment, people will hone in on the aspects that directly speak to their dissatisfaction, which skews them into bias from the start. Their mind will create an image of the modelled environment based on its ability to save their souls from the hunger of dissatisfaction. People or situations become a vehicle for one’s fantasy.

There are a few things in here that may overlap with the definition of curiosity, notably; the initial “arousal of interest for exotic characteristics”. There is this idea of a dichotomy between your current surroundings and “what could be possible elsewhere, or with someone else”, wherein the second choice is necessarily more desirable. This coincides with dissatisfaction. What the person usually misses is the disappointment that arrives with the second choice.

For a choice or interest bloomed out of true curiosity is entirely different. It is the simple desire to know. The interest leads to inquiry, which starts a logical chain of reaction to investigate and learn something. Here, curiosity is a means by which a person approaches a separate object, with the sole intention of appreciating it as it is.

When misunderstood, curiosity can be an excuse for dissatisfaction’s consequences:

“I’m not satisfied with this relationship. This person isn’t fulfilling my expectations, it’s getting too serious, I don’t feel free here.” Then one night, they find themselves observing another prospect that seems better: maybe more free, more fun and flirty - then that spark is ignited again. Then you will manifest interest in that other person solely for what solace their presence brings you. But once they start manifesting themselves as a separate entity, with their own complex desires, hopes, and fears, this will usually repel you.

Unless you free them from the burden of your expectations, you will never be able to see the other person for who they are. This is where genuine curiosity comes into play, but not without its own difficulties.

Curiosity is the absence of expectation, thus the neutralizer of dissatisfaction’s desires.

To truly appreciate another requires deep awareness of your own patterns, hopes and fears. By opening yourself up authentically to a new experience, you trust that the knowledge exchanged from that experience will act upon you to unconsciously resolve your inner dilemmas. That is the gift of curiosity. Appreciation, trust, and love. With curiosity, you are liberated from the weight of control. You no longer seek to extract external validation, you contain all your multitudes and are capable of observing the universe in the Other.

This is why I believe that curiosity is such a fundamental value. It emulates a desire for knowledge in its purest state, and is a display of appreciation for a separate object as its whole. When a person displays genuine curiosity, they allow space for the world to express itself, and have the confidence, serenity to embrace it holistically, without trying to change it.

I think this is what curiosity is for me. My interest in Japan has not idealized the country as being a better nation than Switzerland. They are both different and unique, and I am able to wholly appreciate them for their strengths and weaknesses.

In people, it took me a long time to break the pattern of dissatisfaction, especially since modern dating often rewards quick, fast, easy changes. I didn’t used to be comfortable with being fully with myself, so I would constantly crave external validation through the stimulation of senses and superficial praise. Constant change, one fling to the next, vague promises - these were all the products of dissatisfaction that I didn’t understand at the time.

By making curiosity my centre of gravity, I am constantly learning to be open to grow through my surroundings.

The world becomes a partner and a teacher, endlessly stretching to unknown horizons where I catch only glimpses of what I am, and all that is possible.